Being Yourself Is the Greatest Accomplishment

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson ―

Do you feel as though you are being judged by those around you because your life is so different? What does it mean to “be yourself”? I’m sure you’ve offered that same phrase to encourage someone in the past or been reminded of that simple idea at some time in your life. It’s excellent advice and common sense, but why can it be so challenging to live that way? Who else are you being if you aren’t being yourself? Can you learn to trust your personal choices and decisions? How do you accomplish that?

My definition of “being yourself” is making decisions about your own life that may or may not mirror those within your circle of influence, while being able to stand with conviction on your own about them, regardless of whether anyone agrees with you.

If you are like most people, sometimes it’s hard to be yourself and to have confidence in the decisions you are making in life. Especially when those choices do not match the ones being made by your family and friends, or by anyone in your social or working circles. Are you living with a nagging bit of self-doubt that makes you second-guess choices you’ve made about your life? How can you learn to let that go and be confident about your personal decisions?

Blaze your own trail

You make so many individual choices that constitute the tapestry of your life. Are you thinking about attending college? Do you want to move away from where you were raised? Should you choose a career path or a more technical vocation? Are you interested in a relationship or a marriage? Do you want to have and raise children? Would you prefer living in a small house and driving an economy car or having a custom-built house and a luxury vehicle? Are you content to do exactly as the generation before you did or would you rather blaze a new trail?

As you move through these various choices, often the group of people you see and spend time with the most in these inner circles varies. Living in a fluid society, very rarely do you stay in the same circles for decades. New friends move into the group as others move out. New jobs and added family responsibilities are natural progressions of life. Each time you introduce another key person into your circle of influence, more circles interconnect and other mindsets enter into the mix.

As an example, take my own experience of meeting my husband. I had a circle of friends; he had his circle, too. When we met, we lived 30 miles away from each other although we had grown up in different parts of the country. Once we started meeting each other’s friends, there were some that more easily adapted to the new situation. Those friends were the ones we continued to see more often. As life became busier and busier, incorporating everyone from both sides became almost impossible. As your life changes, so do the lives of those around you. It is inevitable that you spend less time with some friends.

Although both of our families gave us a religious upbringing, one was as staunchly Catholic as the other was Protestant. To make our marriage work, regardless of whether either of us chose to convert to share the same religion, we had to understand and respect how important each religion was to each respective side of the family. His parents and siblings did not intend to change their religion; my side of the family also had no inclination to make any changes. Over the years, we’ve learned to adjust our individual mindsets to accept the differences, especially when both sides of the family spend time together.

This idea of blazing your own trail and carving a path uniquely designed by your own choices requires you to be open to experiment and willing to experience failure. Not everything you try will be fun or a sure victory. If you choose to leave home and start a life for yourself away from the comfort zone of connections made possibly generations before, you usually need to begin making connections of your own. Anyone who has moved to a new city with no welcoming committee in the new place can relate; it takes time to discover even basic things such as which grocer offers the freshest produce for the best price!

It is by trial and error that you will find what works for you in the new place you’ve chosen to be. It can be exciting and stressful, while at the same time, exhilarating and overwhelming. I know because I’ve tried blazing my own trail in many life avenues several times. Because of the rewarding experiences and the broadened horizons I encountered as a result of my willingness to attempt something new, I highly recommend trying this at least once in a lifetime; yet, let me reiterate, it can be stressful!

But, if finding your own path seems too challenging or requires too much effort, you are not alone in that thought. I’m sure you are familiar with the concept of groupthink, which my Merriam-Webster dictionary defines as “conformity to group values and ethics.” This is something that has always fascinated me.

Take any large group of people, say 50 or so, planning a gala dinner party. Within that group, you’ll probably find that most would rather be followers than leaders. Why is that? Well, it’s simpler to just agree with whatever everyone else is doing or thinking. Life is busy. There are too many demands on our time and not enough effort to go around to accomplish everything. Why draw attention to ourselves by raising a dissenting opinion? Why expend more effort to figure out what everyone should do to make the event happen than simply to accept the jobs you’ve been assigned?

There are plenty of common phrases and clichés that people use to try to eliminate the chaos.

“Just get along to get along.”

“Don’t raise a ruckus or cause a commotion.”

“Do what you can to keep the peace.”

“Maintain the status quo.”

Yet, whether you choose to start something new or to follow in someone else’s footsteps, you may still feel that nagging self-doubt slipping into your mind whenever things become complicated. How do you sort out your feelings and arrive at some peace?

Don’t be surprised if it’s hard to find time to reflect on past choices and future decisions. You are pulled in different directions with responsibilities to family, friends, work, and the society around you. And with some decisions, the possible outcomes may not be definitely right or definitely wrong but perfectly gray. In those situations, it is not blatantly obvious what to choose, so you may even choose to do nothing. Funny thing, though, even the decision to do nothing is a decision.

Although most of the time, life may be too busy to contemplate what direction you’re heading, there is one other thing to consider about any of your decisions. Often, the decisions at life’s crossroads are mutually exclusive. If you choose to attend college in a state that is miles away from home, you cannot simultaneously attend college in your familiar hometown. If you choose to have children, you cannot simultaneously experience what it is like not to have children. And, if you quit a job to start a business of your own, you cannot know exactly what would have happened if you had stayed at your job instead.

Are you playing “What if…?”

So, while you could play the “What if…?” game forever, it will always be easier simply to choose something and move forward. For some, prayer and a faith-filled life help them to find peace with decisions made; for others, it may be as simple as tossing a coin. Once you have decided the pros and cons of a decision and analyzed every possible aspect of the consequences, there is nothing left except to execute the decision and let go.

In my life, I’ve often chosen to live outside of the mainstream. I started school early, skipped a grade, graduated from high school at 16, college at 20, and graduate school at 22. It wasn’t my choice to skip a grade; it was a decision that the principal made with my parents. But, being younger than the rest of my peers for all of my academic career definitely affected the way I was treated by others and forced me to become even more independent sooner than expected. Being Asian-American, I’m accustomed to being the minority nationality in the room; I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked what nationality is my heritage. And having grown up wearing glasses, being short, and naturally tanned, I’ve experienced being judged for being different. And, that doesn’t even include the choices I’ve made as an adult to be self-employed with no children and married to a loving husband with a different religion!

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Contemplating the decisions I’ve made through the years, I find this quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson to be so reaffirming. He contributed greatly to the society of his time and of the future through his original ideas on how to live. His distinguishing characteristic was his belief in speaking his own thoughts and sharing what was in his mind. Since his advice in his works came from his own experience, it has proven relevant to society. More than a century later, he is still regarded by many as a brilliant philosopher for the timelessness of his wisdom.

Emerson’s philosophy of self-reliance meant depending on your own abilities and ideas. He believed in the uniqueness of each person. According to him, to be unique in thought, word, and deed, you must express yourself and share what is in your mind. It is the only way to differentiate yourself from others.

I recently found a research paper about his philosophy and thoughts that I had written in high school. Since it was written back in the day with typewriters and word processors, it even had a few little spots of whiteout correction fluid on the final draft!

As I’ve grown older, I’ve found it more difficult to find individuals and make new friends who share the same values and interests. As expected, new responsibilities and changes in life’s direction have led me to drift away from certain circles of friends in my life, even when I’ve known them for years. The more time that passes between visits with each other and opportunities to connect in person, the harder it is to reconnect and to stay in touch over the long term with a lot of meaningful interaction. After all, there are only 24 hours in a day and 7 days in a week. With a finite amount of time and an infinite list of things to do, something simply isn’t going to get done! So, no hard feelings when friends drift apart, and I’m learning to be okay with that!

Having arrived at these insights into my life, I’m discovering my answer to developing a more confident approach to living. It is simply this: to choose happiness and contentment over competition and comparison with others.

I’m seeking happiness in the journey toward every goal and not just in the attainment of the goal. I’m incredibly happy with being different and living a life that isn’t in the mainstream. I’m realizing that happiness is a choice – a daily one – that helps me through days when life isn’t perfect and I’m frustrated about something or another. I’m learning to be more selective with my pursuits and am spending time doing only the things I absolutely love to do. Have you considered that planning not to have plans for the weekend is having a plan?

So, if you’re interested in the challenge of creating something different with your life, here are some thoughts to consider:

Do you really know yourself?

Have you taken time to write down what you want and need, what makes you happy and content, fulfilled and appreciated? Take time to be honest with yourself and what you want your life’s tapestry to be like.

Find ways daily to carve out a few minutes of quiet time for yourself away from the chaos and demands of your existence. It may only be in the silence that you learn so much about yourself.

Assess what keeps you busy and learn to say no to things that take away your energy without re-energizing your spirit. Trust your instincts and pursue things that help to lighten life’s load.

Be willing to communicate your hopes and desires to those most important to you. It is difficult to read others’ minds, even those whom we know so well and love so much.

Through the process of elimination, the application of common sense, and sometimes solely for the sake of pure survival, I’ve tried many different paths in my life. Discovering what I want has not been without heartache and trial, but it has been rewarding. I challenge you to do the same and to remember the words and philosophy of Ralph Waldo Emerson if you need the encouragement.

You are unique. There is no one exactly like you in the world today and there will never be anyone else like you in the future of the universe. Just as when loved ones are no longer in our lives and cannot be replaced, there is no one who can take your place. The more you understand and accept your uniqueness and develop confidence in your own choices, hopefully the more you’ll be able to appreciate the differences in others. And, it always helps to continue to meet new people. When you meet someone that can understand or relate to you, when you are reaffirmed in your choices by others around you, it’s more inspiration to stay the course. Don’t you owe it to yourself to be the best version of YOU? And so, it makes sense to revel in being yourself and share your greatest accomplishment!